Some days are just hard.

On this particular day, it was the anniversary of my dad’s passing. I went about my business as per usual and even had some much appreciated time with a couple of my sweet grandlittles, playing games and crafting.

Then, as I prepared dinner, my love gently informed me of a friend’s passing.

The past couple of months and days (few years, if I’m being truthful!) have already been emotionally draining and this came as quite a shock.

Kim was one of my very best friends as a teen. She was beautiful, fun-loving, kind and supportive, and had a zest for life that I have seen in few others. Kim was instrumental in bringing my love and I together, encouraging me to take a chance and pointing out how wonderfully perfect he is for me. She was in my bridal party and I was in hers–even though I was six months pregnant and I may have had a gall bladder attack! As teens and young adults, we spent a lot of time together; but later we saw each other only periodically. I am thankful that social media allows a thread of connection and that we were able to stop in to see her on one of our recent trips back ‘home’. It was so sweet to reminisce and catch up face to face!

As I reflected on our friendship, I was burdened with regret.

You see, early in our marriage, my love and I experienced a new zeal in our faith. In this zeal, we were often quite brash and less than gracious. In this zeal, we hurt loved ones and pushed many people away, Kim and her husband included. Though we remained friends, the closeness of the relationship wavered.

I recently saw a meme on Facebook that read: “If you have to choose between being kind and being right, choose kind and you will always be right.”

We can be ‘right’ without being forceful. We can show kindness and consideration while sharing our view. We were ‘right’ in the message we shared with Kim and Jeff, but in our zeal, we were not so kind in our approach.

How often do we as Christians harm relationships? We pat ourselves on the back and console ourselves with “the gospel is offensive” all the while neglecting the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Please don’t get me wrong–I’m not saying that we shouldn’t speak truth (though we should be sure it is, indeed, truth and not our own ideals), but we ought to do so in a way that honours God and respects the ones to whom we are speaking–ones made in His image. We cannot congratulate ourselves on being ‘despised’ for the gospel’s sake when we are actually only ‘despised’ for our bad behaviour.

This, of course, does not pertain only to the gospel but to all our interactions. We are to ‘season’ our words with salt–not to be just plain salty. I pray that my words will have impact not because they are forceful, but because they are truthful and faithful and have been delivered with love, kindness and gentleness. Does this remind you of grace? Grace should be a watermark of Jesus in us. We have been shown much grace and this same grace should be extended to others. We must live it out holistically, tempering our thoughts, our words (spoken and written) and our actions, through the strength and enabling of Jesus.

We all think what we believe or are doing is ‘right’, don’t we? This is why grace is important. Many godly and learned men and women have studied and prayed over Biblical doctrines and principles, coming up with very different conclusions. Does this automatically mean that one is apostate or that there is no one truth? No, of course not. Perhaps God allows some mystery to protect us from spiritual pride, from believing we have all the answers. Whatever His reasons, it gives us opportunity to exercise our ‘grace muscles’ as we treat one another with kindness and love.

I saw this Ann Voskamp quote as well. Let the last line sink in: “grace isn’t a soft, feeble gift, but the most robust, transformative gift of all.” There is nothing weak about grace, in its offering, receiving or its power. And grace truly can transform situations and relationships as we practice it.

My prayer is that grace, the watermark of Christ in me, will be evident in every aspect of my life.

Note: a watermark is a recognizable image or stamp showing authenticity or ownership.